I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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