Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
