I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
