my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
