Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
