I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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