Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
