Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
ttyl tear gas
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
