Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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