I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
