theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
