she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Found your dick twin last night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
