She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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