i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
