dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
