iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
