and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
