dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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