Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
