He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
