This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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