where does the pee come out of this thing
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
