I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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