How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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