i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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