I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
