I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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