I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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