I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
