my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my being single is dangerous.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
