Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
