My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So much rum. So many feels.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
