if you like me you must not know who I am
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
