How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
