You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
