Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
