I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
