who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
