So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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