Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
