yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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