he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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