just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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