weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
