i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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