Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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