I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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