So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
