some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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