You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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