Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
