Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
